My journey with my twin flame/soulmate (Part 2): ‘frenemies’, bad talks and how I got into a toxic relationship
Previously… click here to read the Part 1
First, I want to share a cool guide to help people that are passing through the connection of twin flames/soulmates/mirror souls. Read it here. Also, this article is very good!
Second: many people contacted me for help them on their journeys with their flames/soulmates, etc. I’m glad my contents here and in my X profile are being helpful. But I know some people may feel scared and aren’t open to talk about it freely with a random crazy girl on the internet haha So, I decided to create a form for you to tell your story in private (it can be anonymous). I will read and try to help you. You don’t need to tell me your name, just a nickname for me to call you, hehe. CLICK HERE TO SEND YOUR STORY!
Despite I explain many things here, only twin flames/soulmates/whatever you call this s… will understand perfectly the feelings and the rollercoaster of living this crazy life of ups and downs (neither family or friends can understand it, only us, “the chosen ones”! hahaha). So, as the same way I was helped, I wanna help the others now.
I can be your friend on this journey if you want.
Ready? So, let’s go to the second part of my story!
Part 2: ‘frenemies’, bad talks and how I got into a toxic relationship
The discovery
When I realized that the First discovered about my ‘kissing night’ with the Second, I got DESPERATE and felt GUILTY.
I felt like I betrayed him.
But, we NEVER TALKED OPENLY ABOUT OUR FEELINGS! I had the “idea that he liked me” because of the talks with his friends (and he probably knew about my feelings too because I told HIS FRIENDS about it, but I didn’t have the courage to talk it directly to him. And neither him to me). Yes, we were TOO AFRAID TO LOSE WHAT WE HAD AT THIS LEVEL!
Remembering: WE NEVER KISSED EACH OTHER, despite we TRIED ( as I said, something always stopped us. A mixing of fear and interruptions). And, well, do you know, it’s “normal” in Brazil to “fleeing”, so, I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. But, in my heart, somehow, it felt wrong after the euphoria passed.
Well, the s… was done. I kissed the Second, I passed him my number and he talked to me for some days, saying that he liked me and wanted to repeat everything, wanted to hang out with me again… till he GHOSTED ME SUDDENLY.
I thought it was because he was a jerk (as many others that also ghosted during my life). But, it this case, there was a reason (that I only discovered two years later).
A colleague overheard a conversation between the First and the friend in common who spread the news, that I will name here as ‘Lord Whistledown’ (because he spread the story to EVERYONE).
“Hey, First! I have news for you. But you’re not going to like it!”
“Hey, Lord Whistledown! What happened?”
“Well, a friend of mine kissed Bruna at a festival. And he enjoyed a lot! He got her number and wants to see her again.”
He remained silent for a while. After, he said:
“Take him out of my way. I want Bruna for me.”
After this whole situation, I acted as normal as I could at college, but the tension was there. That weird feeling of: we should talk about this, but we both know that nothing really wrong happened, so, what the f… are we going to do?
And I wanted to die when his friends mocked him IN FRONT OF ME!
“Hey, First! You lost your girl to the Second!”
“My friend said to me that she kisses very well!”
“You lost it, boy!”
“He wants a second round, First!”
I wondered if it would have been different if we had kissed the other times we tried, long before all this. There was that moment on cinema (that I mentioned previously, that when we were almost kissing, the screen of the movie room froze, causing a chaos and cutting our mood), but the moment of the bus stop also left a big memory on me.
We were coming back from a college work (a production of a special report). We were at the bus stop, together with one of our best friends (that was our ‘shipper’). He tried to help:
“You look so good together! You should give a kiss! Come on, First! Do something!” — he said that and turned to the other side, to give us “privacy”. We got closer, and closer, and closer… I closed my eyes…
BUT HE STOPPED. He said: ‘No, not here in public’.
Well, the problem is that we were so imature and afraid that not only didn’t happen in public, but neither in private. We prefered to suffer with this painful feeling in our hearts than to risk losing everything we had.
Not only the tension of a possible conflict was high… but the sexual one as well. After that situation with the Second, he chased me even more, touched me even more (sliding his fingers over my skin, hugging me or other things just to touch me — I did the same and we both enjoyed.) but, at the same time, he “provoked” me with jealous. Seeing him hugging other girls made me feel jealous. Also me hugging other men made him even more jealous, as a way we both didn’t know how to control our faces.
Okay that I’m a Scorpio and he is a Cancer, but even for us was too much jealously! Oh, if you are curious: I’m a Scorpio with Aries rising and Moon in Gemini. ONLY A DEVIL CAN DEAL WITH THE HELL, RIGHT? About him, he is a Cancer with Leo Rising — but the moon I forgot now, sorry! A looong time ago, I asked an astrologer to do our synastry — and guess what? Soulmates/twin flames. Whatever you call it, the important is to understand what the f… is going on.
We were “fighting” against each other. He irritated me so many times that I want to slap him, but I was enjoying, somehow. That “frenemies” thing. The people were just waiting for an opportunity to watch an EXPLOSION.
Oh, and specially during this period, the signals appeared MORE THAN EVER!
Smelling his perfume from NOWHERE, feeling his touch without having him close, dreaming a lot with him, seeing his name EVERYWHERE without “looking for it” (once I saw his name three times in a row, always with an arrow to go ahead. I had to take my mom there to show her that I WASN’T INSANE!).
This signals appear for a reason: to rub on your face that you MUST accept your destiny and do something (but as the right way, not the way I did, I will give you tips later on this article). Believe me, it’s better accept your love for your flame/mate soon. Or you will suffer a lot for something that could be solved sooner, like me.
The decision was made, but the execution…
Well, after a while, with a lot of signals appearing too much for me, all the tension getting on my nerves and the feeling that something had to be done (and he was TOO SHY for it), I decided to, finally, DO SOMETHING!
BUT… I did as the WORST. WAY. POSSIBLE.
First, it was not in person. Was by phone. WhatsApp, to be more specific. I sent a text message.
And the message was: “Hey, what’s up! So, do you have feelings for me or not?!”
No, I didn’t declared my love. I intimidated him to do it.
And his answer? A 3-MINUTE AUDIO, BASICALLY EXPLAINING THE BIG BANG THEORY. In the end, he said: I’m not interested in you. It was a joke of my friends.
A JOKE OF YOUR FRIENDS, SON OF A B…?
It weren’t your friends that started to call my mother as ‘your mother-in-law’, it was YOU, on OUR DATE ON CINEMA, REMEMBER? When you had the opportunity to say “no, we’re not dating”, you said to EVERYONE that we were a couple. When you tried to kiss me more than once, was also a joke? All the times you’ve embraced me like the world was going to fall, were a joke? EYES DON’T LIE, MOTHERF….!
I GOT FURIOUS AND SAD. Really.
Then, I said: Well, I liked you, but since you don’t feel the same, I will move on.
Later, on that week, his friend said to me that HE LIED.
“Bruna, he lied to you. HE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU! We had a travel to Rio recently and I tried to introduce him to other girls. He said no twice, and then, he said: I wish Bruna was here with me. He said this because he is feeling hurt after you kissed another guy.” — And I have witnesses (his friend told me this in front of my best friends).
But I was too pissed off to come back.
NOW, MY DEAR STUDENT, I WILL TELL YOU WHAT WENT WRONG and WHAT YOU MUST NOT DO.
We both should’ve done differently.
First, the conversation MUST HAPPEN IN PERSON (I know it’s difficult, but, in person, you can see the REACTIONS of the person. It’s harder to lie). My tip: ask the person to go find you in a coffee shop, a restaurant, a pub/bar or wherever do you feel comfortable to talk. Do this as faster as you can, say that is VERY IMPORTANT and that you both must talk.
Second: as I took the initiative, I should say everything that I was feeling. EVERYTHING. So, if you get the initiative, SAY EVERYTHING. And make the person feel comfortable to say everything as well.
In my case, for example, I should’ve said (after inviting him to go out and talk properly, of course): “Hey, First! How are you? I must tell you something. Do you remember that day on cinema? I said to you when we were walking to go there that I didn’t have feeling for anyone. Well, when we arrived on cinema, that changed. I realized that I’m in love with you and, since then, I think about you every single day. At the same time, I have my fears of doing a sh… and ruin our friendship that is so special to me. I know that we both have our insecurities, like (inserts here a full supermarket list), but I am willing to find a way to work on them for us to stay together, because I think that we can be amazing as a couple. Please, feel free to tell me everything that you feel about us. I will not be mad at you. I just want you to be sincere.” Do something like this, but about YOU and YOUR STORY, YOUR FEELINGS.
But Bruna, and if it goes wrong?
At least you would have genuine answers and would work on your insecurities. It will hurt? Yes. The pain is bad, but you will survive. I know that our ego, on this moments, is HUGE.
We don’t want to be vulnerable. Specially if you grow up with some traumas, as familiar problems, bullying, low self-esteem, violence, sicknesses, etc. You build a defense to you, like a shield.
BUT IF IT WORKS? If it works, you will have a journey much more lighter. You don’t need to suffer as I suffered. That’s why I am here telling you my story, my weeknesses, my insecurities. To help YOU.
A dynamic of twin flames/soulmates/mirror souls can be difficult because this s… DEMANDS YOU TO FACE YOURSELF. Like when you take a selfie and you see so many defects on the photo that you give up posting. No one likes it to see their weaknesses. We aim always to be perfect, SPECIALLY for the one we loves must (also for the eyes of the others, despite they aren’t important). But, unfortunately, we aren’t perfect. It’s hard to accept it. But, yes, we’re not perfect.
And, mostly, people don’t understand this situation. They judge you.
They say: oh, you will find another person. Can you? Yes, you can (BUT, don’t try to force as I did, you will see it soon why). It will be the same? NO, NEVER. I tried. Maaaaaaany times. Can work? Yes. But you WILL think about your twin flame/soulmate/mirror soul/whatever somehow. AND, if you don’t solve it now, one day or another it will come back.
And if you sure of your feelings, if you are decided to wait for the development of your relationship with your flame/mate, focusing on yourself, people will say: oh, you really have to lose the fear to have another relationship, you are being stupid for “waiting” and blablablabla.
DON’T GIVE A S… TO WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE THINKING AND TALKING! ONLY YOU KNOW YOUR TRUE FEELINGS.
Now you know why it’s hard to deal with something like this and why not everyone is prepared (or can understand) all of these things? Because is rare. And everything that is rare can be fascinating and scary at the same time, specially if you don’t have the knowledge to know, to understand it.
BUT, HERE, YOU HAVE HELP TO DO YOUR BEST. HERE YOU HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE AND MY TIPS. I SUPPORT YOU! Since each case has it’s particularities, use that form on the beginning of the article to talk with me and I will help you.
The beginning of a disaster
On that moment of my life, I was extremely imature (not talking about age, but about MIND). I know that today, after everything that I’ve learned, after everything that happened to me, I would act differently.
Anyway, I got REALLY, REALLY sad with the rejection, the whole situation. I cried a lot, thinking: why, again, I cannot be loved? What is wrong with me? I gave my love to him, the greatest love I’ve ever felt for someone in my life. I lived that with an intensity that I’ve never gave to anyone else. And it wasn’t enough to stay. Again, I was rejected. And, this time, that hurt more than ever.
But what I didn’t know at that time is that he also suffered a lot. (SPOILER OF A FUTURE PART OF MY STORY: Years later, he told me that after we moved away from each other, he went into a depression, to the point where he couldn’t get out of bed. I also felt very depressed. The feeling of missing each other was so, so, so hard for both of us (in Brasil, we have a name for this: SAUDADE).
NOW YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY BAD THINGS COULD BE AVOIDED IF WE WERE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO DO IT PROPERLY? SO, BE SMARTER THAN I WAS.
So, completely fragile, insecure and sad, I heard the “advices from family and friends” to move on and “forget him with another love”. So, I entered on dating apps (never did this before, look HOW DESPERATE I WAS) and tried hard to find someone to “replace him” (and as I said, that DIDN’T WORK). Started to talk with many, many guys. Till, one day, one called me on Facebook chat, because of our “Facebook friends in common”. He was older than me, also a journalist (but, on that time, he was already graduated, I was a student). Brown hair and eyes, a charming smile. He was from São Paulo (the city and, also the state), and was living here in my city.
I will name him here as “Unemployed”, because when I met him, he didn’t get a job as a journalist.
Well, we started to talk on chat and some days later, we went to the cinema (yes, I have a thing with cinema dates, you see). We kissed and then, days later, I INSISTED to meet him again, even though he wasn’t very interested. We started the “fleeing” and later, to “date” (but he never put a “dating ring” on this hand, something cultural and common in Brasil when you are really dating serious (not the ring for engagement or wedding, it’s another one); so, despite I called him as “boyfriend”, despite I introduced him to my family and even posted a few photos with him (like, two or three)… he was just a “getaway car”.
Another kiss and the final point of my first cycle with my mate/flame
Once, after a day on college, the “unemployed” went there to find me after class. Exactly on that day, the First and his friends decided to stay later to do a college work together.
No, the “unemployed” DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE “FIRST”. But, he felt.
So, when the U saw F and his friends staring at us, U kissed me, even though I didn’t want to do that in front of that people. He made it on purpose. He forced it, after I just gave him a hug.
I fought with U after this. U said he did that because the other guys were staring at us. Then, I said: it’s because they are my collegues from my classroom! (what was true).
But the damage was made. The friendship between Me and the First “was lost”. We stopped talking, without another real conversation to define it. Just happened. With much pain for both of us.
The ‘getaway car’ became very, very toxic
The ‘unemployed’ started to become possessive. He wanted to talk with me all the time, but not in a good way, in a forced one. He was charging me for affection, all the time. And not only this. When he didn’t get what he wanted from me, he started to insult me, comparing me to others, saying bad things about my body, about my personality.
Once, he even “mocked” my dream to go to Ireland to study and live there. He said: “if you goes, our relationship will have an expiration date.”
I was so, so needy, that, for a while, despite the pain, I thought: “well, I don’t have someone better (my mate), so I will accept it for now).
For six months, that happened (I was trying the focus on the good moments that we had, the gifts and the kisses, but they weren’t enough). But, another plot twist came. THREE DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY, he decided to give me “a gift”.
He said to me that HE CHEATED ME WITH ANOTHER GIRL. And broke up with me. Now, imagine: a girl with no self-esteem, needy, insecure, sad, far away from the real man of her dreams and being REJECTED AGAIN, by other one that wasn’t the real one for her? It was too, too much for me.
But, believe me, THIS IS NOT OVER YET. In fact, after this, I started my rising.
Do you wanna now how? STAY TUNED HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THIS CRAZY STORY!
